Recently, I have gone through a pretty rough situation. The rough situation I speak of is a break-up. Normally, I wouldn't post about something so personal but I feel like I need to let out my thoughts. I feel like I have bottled up my thoughts and feelings too long because I've been afraid to step on someone's toes. I'm not writing to hurt someone, but to simply let you in on my thought process. Through this situation, I have learned a few things including standards/expectations, myself, good/bad friends, and real/fake church people.
Let's start off with standards and expectations. Throughout every breakup I've had I have learned what I want in someone and what I don't. I also learned that I cannot make exceptions and settle for less. I need to stand by what I believe in and what I want. If you just settle, you will soon become miserable because you will spend more time resenting the person because they don't meet your standards. Always stay true to your standards and expectations. Back when I was younger, my friends and I would make lists of things we wanted in a future significant other. Though it may seem silly but actually, I have found that physically writing down the qualities I want in someone to be incredibly helpful. It's almost like a check-list to see if you are "dateable".
Secondly, I've learned about myself through this situation. Back in high school, I was pretty insecure about myself mainly because I had braces and HORRIBLE acne. I felt like people only saw my flaws. But now that I'm in college I've realized that most people don't pick out my every flaw and if they do then I don't need to have those people in my life. Many people seem to think that I'm insecure and that I NEED to have a boyfriend to feel secure. That is false; my first 3 years of college were spent single and happy. For a while, I was not looking to even date anyone. I decided that if God wanted me to date someone, he would put them in front of my face. What do you know? I ended up dating someone but then it ended and that is okay. Honestly, someone has to be pretty darn amazing to make me want to date them because I enjoy the single life. I'm not one that likes to be tied down. I live for adventure and activity. If someone wants to join me on that, then they are worth my time.
Third, I have learned who my real friends are and who the fake friends are. It's kind of comical because in the times you really need someone, very few, if any, are there for you. But when you don't need someone, everyone wants to be in your business. Break-ups suck regardless of what side you are on and you need a support system to help you get through it. Some people heal faster than others and that's okay. Some people take longer to heal and that's okay too. Either way, both parties need a support system. Now, sometimes that means just being there to listen and not give your opinion. Sometimes it requires you to give advice. Every person and situation are different. The main point is to comfort the person who is hurting. In my experience, very few people were there when I needed them the most and then after I was through my healing process, everyone decided to involve themselves in my business whether I wanted them there or not. Real friends are those who stick beside you in the darkest hours. Fake friends are the ones who only want to be around during the fun times then try to get involved in your business because they just want to be in the loop because they are nosey.
Lastly, this will be the part that might offend people but I stand by what I'm about to say. I love church and I love Jesus. But one thing I ABSOLUTELY HATE is fake church people. I'm not saying I'm perfect because no one is. I have faults just like everyone else. I actively try to work on them to better myself and become closer to God. But there are people who are just plain awful. The people who use the phrase "we are praying for you" to disguise their gossip. Just because you are telling someone you are praying for a certain person because of whatever they are doing doesn't make it right. You are still gossiping. Gossip travels fast and tends to get twisted as it keeps going which is so much worse for the person that it's about. Also, the church people who decide they are going to be your personal holy spirit to "save you"...ridiculous. Yes, there are times when God calls specific people to help others but it's not all the time. If you don't have a personal deep relationship with a person, you probably shouldn't bombard them with your advice. ESPECIALLY if you barely talk to them. I cannot tell you how many people (most that I barely know) have contacted me trying to give me advice on how to run my life. I did not ask for your opinion so please leave me be.
Sorry, this turned into a rant but I needed to let this out somehow and writing seemed like the best way to release it.
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